The Three Bears: An Urban Tale
It had been a long time, considering Papa Bear had been skipping out for years. All those winters asleep in the condo, and every now and then Mama Bear would roll over to find she was alone; except for Baby Bear lightly snoring. So where had that son-of-a-bitch gone? Probably to find food left behind in some dumpster, and wouldn’t you know it, he’d never bring a lick of it home, at least that’s what Mama Bear chose to believe
so she went back to sleep and forgot all about it until that next spring, when she was totally unprepared, never having considered the possibility that Papa Bear would ask for, then insist, on a divorce. He refused to listen to her pleadings so, in the end, Mama Bear got the chairs and the beds along with the condo and Papa Bear only got the Dansk cereal bowls, which made him furious because, being the black-hearted bear that he was, he’d expected at least half of the stash he knew Mama Bear had been skimming from household expenses. Not to be undone, Papa Bear had Baby Bear kidnapped and ransomed back to his mother for that loot; of course, he meant Baby Bear no harm, but the bastards he hired were expensive, and wanting the whole ransom for himself, the more Papa Bear thought about it, how much easier it would be to just eat the kidnappers rather than pay them. Mama Bear, being a good mother, forked over the cash, which left her destitute, so she and Baby Bear lost the condo and all their belongings to the local sheriff, and now they wander the woods, foraging for food, occasionally coming into the city to knock over garbage cans, and Baby Bear has gotten quite adept at slapping the crap out of trout in the river. As for Papa Bear, now that he’s free, you can find him most every night with Goldilocks chowing down at Dominic’s Pizza and Wings.