Edward Field

Old Man, Peeing

 

Sleeping through the night? Forget it.

But getting up half a dozen times,

in fact, is kind of nice

thinking how much sleep-time’s left.

 

There in the gloom, sitting

makes more sense than standing,

because even though you’ve got to go

so bad you’d expect a cataract,

there’s just a dribbling.

It’s even hard to know when it ends.

 

Theater and opera are no longer feasible --

you’re usually stuck in the middle of a row

or, at intermission, in line at the men’s room,

hopping from leg to leg.

Even at the movies, climaxes bring it on

and you miss the important scenes.

 

I know all the pee places in our neighborhood –

the hospitals, schools, Starbucks, McDonalds,

construction sites or, in a pinch, doorways.

Though once I was taking a leak in one,

when a police car trained its spotlights on me,

and put me up against the wall.

Disgusting! the cop yelled, sizzling with testosterone.

while I tried to look like his kindly grandpa.

My old mother would have told him

to go catch a real criminal.

I was afraid to speak up to god’s avenger,

but if he cuffed me and took me in

on a “quality of life” violation

I’m sure the judge would understand

the reality of old men’s prostates.

This time, having let off steam, my captor relented

and got back into the squad car.

 

Another time I was peeing in a deserted lot

when the owner came out of a building

and told me off for peeing there,

where dogs and bums used for a toilet.

With no uniform to intimidate me now,

I looked at him pityingly, and told him straight

that he’d be in the same boat soon enough,

an old man on the street, nowhere to pee,

and facing the humiliation of wetting his pants.

 

But it’s approaching home you enter the real

danger zone, the will-I-make-it stretch.

Getting near somehow increases the pressure.

Sometimes I stuff my handkerchief down into my underwear

and hope for the best. But it's touch-and-go

as I fumble with the door keys, drop them,

and invariably feel the spurting begin,

as I make a mad dash for the bathroom.

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